I was thinking:
There are miles of separation from what I see the Christian church as, and what I think it could be.
I used to go all the time (often out a sense of duty), but now I haven't seen gone to a service regularly in over 2 years. It hasn't been out of laziness, bitterness, or harsh feelings. The sermons were usually fine. Sometimes they were terrible. I accepted. Never was a big deal.
I also have understood the concept of fellowship between believers being important for supporting and encouraging each other. No qualms there at all.
The reason I lost interest is hard to put my finger on.
Some of it has to do with a polarization of politics within the church. To be involved in an evangelical church, you are generally expected to have fairly conservative social views. Myself, I just don't.
An example of this is when it’s expected you'll vote for someone just because he/she claims to b a Christian (or at least pro-life). For the record, I think a person can be a Christian and be pro-choice.
But that's only a small part of my problem.
I think I have trouble reconciling the kind of person I feel that I am and the sort of person the Christian community expects me to be. Fill in the blanks with whatever adjectives you want. Most of you should know what I mean.
Where is the line between "submitting to authority" and living within a self-imposed dictatorship? How can there be fellowship if you’re not the person the church wants to hear from?
I have no idea myself. I honestly just want to show Christ to other people through my life, as best I can, wherever I can.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I've often felt too, the uneasy-ness of being a christian, in a church setting. Personally, I struggle alot with the basic outline of what a sunday morning looks like. You come in sit down, force a hand shake with complete strangers, (pastor's orders, but strangers are due to large church's which is another topic altogether) and then continue to sit and stand whenever the worship leader feels like it would be a nice time for everyone to pitch into whatever feeling he is having at the time(run on sentence). The problem for me is the out right forcing of compliance to what someone else thinks a christian should look like. An ongoing struggle within myself when I come to the sanctuary: if I raise my hands I feel fake, its not really coming from the heart. If I don't raise my hands I feel less holy then the one standing beside me. If I sing, I'm not really paying attention to what I'm actually saying. If I don't sing and just read the words i look like I don't care. When the fact of the matter is; I feel like I do care. I feel I care enough not to put on the happy christian face every sunday. And when you think about it, I might be alot more honest than the one singing, and waving their arms. How many people could honestly be having a great day every sunday. With so many struggles people face, I find it hard to believe they just forget about it on sunday morning. And maybe they have found a way to deal with in that morning, or they realized its something not worth worrying about, or God has helped them, which is great, I think that is what it should be about. But if you are standing there, showing your "brothers, & sisters" that your good with God that day, I think you are only fooling yourself.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a self-loathing christian, at least for the most part. I see alot of things I don't like in the christian community. But you know what, that's ok too. Its ok to have a different opinion about what something should look like. If you don't like it, or you disagree with what a church stands for, then try to make a change, or leave. Its easy to piss and moan about how a church sucks for you. I can say all the things, that have turned into "cliche-blue-like-jazz-izims" about the church, but what does it accomplish. Yes the church has an agenda, its goals sometimes don't fit yours, but for the most part everyone else in the church believes in one thing together. Jesus, and what he did. Forget about all the other bulshit we argue about, it doesn't matter. We should focus on the body, not the cancer. If we become too attached to the issues, then we forget about the fruit that we could and should be bearing for others to see.
I've said at times, that I want to show people Jesus through me, and not through the idealistic image of a christian. And to be honest, that is a hard thing to do. If you have said this as well, you know what I mean. Its one thing to say you don't like the church, that fine. Its another thing to say you are going to worship on your on terms. I've said these statments before too, and you know what, it is hard to discipline yourself to do so. essentially that is what a church is for, to keep each other on the right track. It is hard to do on your own, and anyone can admit that. I guess if you have taken a stand, and want to show Christ through your life, then honestly look at your life and say "am I living a life that God would approve of?" Most of us couldn't say we were, if we were being truthful. All I want to really state is this: If you claim to want to be a witness for God on your own terms with no politics and no bullshit, then do it. all the power to you, I want it to work.
I think the christian name has been dragged in the dirt. I also think it is up to the "individual" to clean up. If you know you have been saying for too long that somthing needs to change, and you haven't done anything about it, then you are as bad as the problem.
This really isn't a shot at anyone or their beliefs, its just an observation. Take it how you will.
Hi garth. I'm not trying to get down on Christianity as a whole. I acknowledge that so much good is being done because of the ministry in the church. I guess my general problem is that it seems Christianity has become a sort of brand name. If you don't appeal to the brand, than you're not really a Christian. You know what I mean?
ReplyDeleteYour point on the individual having to "clean up" the image of Christianity is an excellent one.
Thanks for commenting.