This is where I'm at.

So I have spent my entire evening so far reading a webcomic. But I'm not going to tell whoever reads this which one it is because I'm a jerk. Unless you ask me nicely.
But that's beside the point. I'm haven't posted anything in a month. I wish I had more. I really want to be the kind of person that is full on interesting, pithy dialogue and everyone want to know what's going on in my head.
This leads me to suspect I may have self-esteem issues.
Let me be transparent for a while. I don't particularly think I'm that good of a person. I actually am quite aware of various flaws. I think can be very self-absorbed. It sucks. I kinda think that I overcompensate for this by desiring universal acclaim. This is a little embarrassing to admit, but I sometimes imagine myself as well-respected writer whose opinion on things everyone wants to know. That's pretty lame.
I console myself by thinking that I can't be the only one who feels this. Deep down, everyone person wants to be loved and adored on some level. Obviously there are those who shy away from any and all attention, but they are still creatures who demand that someone love them. Maybe this is what people call a "God-shaped hole". I used to think that was a stupid term, but not anymore. It just makes too much sense.
I find the ones we crave to love us the most are the ones who let us down the hardest, which is generally how interpersonal relationships have always been. The danger is if we let the fact we're never going to be perfectly loved by people get to us. If that happens, than we become small miserable beasts who love dark cynical things and hate everything else.
I certainly don't want to become that twisted. This is where the whole "God-shaped hole thingy" comes in.
The solution to this seems to be not defining ourselves by how others imperfectly love us. I suggest we come to an understanding that its God who loves us perfectly, and let that sort of trickle down to the rest of our lives. I mean, I believe in God and that He's perfect and He really loves me. I want to take that knowledge, and make it like the ocean. From that big wonderful source are the basic building blocks of life. If God's love is really transformational like He says it is, than letting it exist in my life will be the source from which everything else flows. So if people don't love me they way I want them to, I'm ok cause I'm connected to something infinitely more powerful. And when I screw up, I don't need to overcompensate by looking for validation in silly places.
I know I'm not covering this whole subject in much depth. Hell, I'm not sure I could ever do the subject much justice. I guess I'm just shouting out in the deep cavernous intertubes hoping to hear something wonderful echo back.
By the way, if anyone out there doesn't believe in God or give Him much thought, maybe check Him out. I promise it won't do any harm.
Just throwing the suggestion out there.

On a near related subject, I really want to try to be more consistent with these posts. Like actually post more. At least once a week.
And not for attention.
Right now I really just want to create something.